My First Short Term Goal

Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking the last couple weeks and I finally came up with my first goal.  I have an ultimate goal, I even have a shirt that I saw and bought; I have it hanging up for me to see and remember!  I haven't really put a date on any of it though.  I also haven't done any short term goals with or without dates!  Well, I have finally decided on one: I want to be 200 or less by my birthday at the end of November.  I will be 29 and I would love to be done with the 200's by then!  I have a Christmas Party I have to go to the first weekend on December and I would love to start feeling like a normal person again!  So, now I have a date and a number, I just have to figure out a reward for doing this!  I'm thinking a pedicure! 

11 week update

This will be a short update since I just did an update yesterday.  I did my first offical weigh in at home in a long time this morning.  I am trying to get back on track with the blog and my facebook page.  I weighed in at 215.0 last Wednesday at the doctors office.  I have to say I was both shocked and excited by the number!

Yes... That says 209.0!!!  That is a 6lb loss in one week!!  I have to apologize about the angle of my picture, darn phone turned it!  I am now only 2 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight from #2!  I can then work on the weight from #1 that I never got off.

Much Needed Update

I am SOOOOOO behind on my blog.  Between another move and then three trips back home to for the fills it's been so busy.  I am now 3 months out from my pre-op diet.  currently (as of last Wednesday at the doctor) I am at 215.0 which puts me down around 33lbs in under 3 months!  I plan to weigh in tomorrow as it will be Wednesday and I will update my weight then.  I also plan to start doing video blogs at some point.  I am so busy right now, but things are suppose to be calming down soon.  I am done going to the doctor every other week and now I will only go once every month. 

So, Though I have lost 33lb and counting I still don't feel it.  I guess my body decided to explode with this last baby because I'm still having an issue getting into pants that I was able to wear at this weight in the beginning of my pregnancy.  It is so frustrating because I know I have lost a lot of weight but when I look at my body I don't see or feel it.  I have had a couple tell me that they can see that I have lost weight but sometimes I wonder if they really do OR if they are looking for it.

I still haven't gotten into the gym yet but that is the goal for my husband and I both this month.  I bought a DVD to do but we had our hdmi cable used by the cable guy and so we don't have a cable for our Blue-ray player (sore subject).  I do try to take the boys for a walk and I am always busy around the house so I am staying busy, I just want to get back to the gym so bad, I miss my time!

My First Fill~~Pre-fill

So, I am going to be leaving on Tuesday morning for my "home town" and my first fill.  I did a TON of research on what to expect when traveling with a baby and talked to several friends that have flown with a baby and then finally bought everything we don't have at the 11th hour off of Amazon.  I just hope it all gets here by Monday like it is suppose to (according to what the site said when I ordered it).

As I posted on a previous post, my biggest concern is the flight there and back and less about fill.  I think once I get there the anxiety about the fill will take over!  For those that don't know, when they put my band in they didn't put any fluid in (the Dr. actually said they only put in enough to get rid of air bubbles) so I do fear that the few things I have been able to eat I will not be able to soon.  We will find out soon. I plan to post a post~~fill update once I get back here on Thursday (probably will post on Friday).

5 Week Update

I have to start by apologizing because I forgot to take a picture of my weigh in this week and I am so behind on my updates!  I was having some technical difficulties with my phone and pictures.

I am so stoked!  I lost a lotof weight this week!!  I guess that it helps that I ate at home all week and I was able to eat a lot more "normal" food this week too.  I was shocked when I saw the number that I actually got off and back on two more times.  So the numbers:  I was 224.8 which is a 4.2lb loss!! 

I do not perdict a loss this week because we have been eating out a lot this week because we have been out of town looking for a new place to live.  We found out mid-week that we would be moving AGAIN!  Though we are personally VERY happy about this move because the place we are moving to will have a lot more for us in terms of fitness, education and personal connections, but the stress of finding out we have to move in a week and a half to a town we weren't even looking at an hour a way has been difficult! 

I am still having occational pain in my abdomin and will be talking to the doctor this week about it.  It just seems weird to be having this pain still!  I haven't started working out yet, I was planning on going to the gym on Wednesday and signing up when my husband called to tell me that we are moving.  I have been looking at the gyms in the town we are moving too though and I am hoping to start my gym membership as soon as we move.

4 Week Update

Well, as suspected I gained this week.  Am I upset, no not really, am I kinda disapointed though yes.  I have been so busy this week and with few things to eat and my hunger back in full swing I feared it was going to be a gain.  So, the gain was 2lbs:
My goal for weightloss this week is to work on the types of foods I eat.  To eat healthy and to find vegetables and fruits that I can eat.  I'm really tired of carbs like mashed potatoes french fries and crackers/chips.  I also need to work on getting in my water.  I don't care for the tase of the water here but I need to get use to it so that I am not constantly drinking crytal light.  Any ideas for vegetables and fruits would be get.

I go to get my first fill in 2 weeks and I am nervous about it.  Mostly because I have to fly back home to ge it done and I have to take #2 with me.  The idea of flying with a baby is a little intimidating for me.  I haven't flown since I was pregnant with #1 three years ago and it was a pain by myself!  I am also worried about what I will feel like after the fill.  I am so far from the doctor and I really don't want to have to find a doctor here because we have already paid so much that I hate to pay for a unfill.  I'm also excited about the fill to, to not have the hungry filling all day every day would be wonderful!  I am also excited to get to see some of my friends as well!

Can I Get Some Fruit? or How About a Veggie?

So, I am really thinking I am going to have a slight gain this week.  I have been eating a lot of carbs and protein but not as much fruit and Veggies.  I have been craving a big salad with mushrooms, baby corn, pickles, peppers, tomatoes-- you know all the good stuff you load on a salad.  Unfortunately I haven't been able to eat a salad since surgery and it is really annoying me!  I wont even attempt it at this point because I know I wouldn't get it down.  I am running out of "healthy" ideas.  I can only eat so much cottage cheese yogurt and jello!  I have found that fries and pasta with sauce goes down okay as well as ground meat if I chew it up really good but that is about it. Any ideas for getting some veggies in would be great! 

3 Week Update

So, I am three weeks in and I lost a little more weight!  I'm excited that I am loosing still!! It is a little surreal mostly because when I get on the scale I am so surprised at the number and how "easy" it seems because I'm rarely ever starving hungry, when I am hungry I will eat until I am satisfied and then stop.  In the past if that is what I did I wouldn't loose ANYTHING in fact I would normally gain weight.  So that is why it seems "easy" but then I remember all the pain I am in and the the serious pain I was in just three weeks ago and the foods that I can't eat but want to, even the healthy stuff like chef salad or raw fruits and veggies, and I am reminded of how "easy" it isn't and probably never will be.  Though my surgery was 3 weeks ago unlike a csection or most other surgeries the effects from this, both good and bad, will always effect my daily life.  Now this is something that I thought of before hand and I understood and grasped that; but I don't think anyone can fully understand the magnitude of it until they are in it. 

My incisions are healing great, the pain overall is better but I seem to have this pain in my mid to lower abdomen on the left side that comes and goes.  I finally called the doctor's nurse today because I was told that I could get some pain like that but this pain was just staying around and not going away.  The nurse said that the pain may be from constipation as well as the deep stitches that they did.  That darn deep stitch will be the death of me I swear lol.  I am happy to say that my daily reflux issues seem to be GONE!!  I have had acid reflux, that was pretty severe, since I was about 18.  They found I had a hiatal hernia and fixed it so no more reflux!!  I was having a lot after surgery but I think that was more from the healing and swelling then anything else. 

So, Last weeks number, if I am remembering right was 228.4 and this weeks number is:

That is a 1.4lb loss this week, If I'm doing my math right!!!

Looking to the Future

I'm so excited to get back into the swing of things.  I keep thinking about getting back to the gym.  I use to go to the gym for 2 hours at a time a day atleast 3 days a week until I was 7 months pregnant.  I had to stop at that time because I was having severe back pain and a rib was being pulled out on my back because of the combination of my weight and the hormones that are released that make a womans ligaments and muscles looser to let the belly grow for baby.  I wasn't able to workout after #2 was born because of the c-section and then because I was home alone with the boys and the gym wouldn't watch #2 until he was 3 months old.  To say the least I was bummed when I found out I had to wait a whole 4-6 weeks before I could get back to the gym, though I know now that I need that time to recover. 

This weekend, however, I went and looked at a few gyms.  I wasn't able to look at all my options, but I will by Tuesday.  It was nice to just be out there looking at things and seeign the gyms!  I've never done good with home gym/DVD workouts, I just can't get motivated and I have a hard time finding the time with two little ones running under my feet!  With a gym I can drop the boys off to someone while I workout and I don't have to worry about finding motivation, the $$ is the motivation along with the idea of having some kid free time, something a SAHM doesn't get a lot of!

Overdue 2wk Update

I am a little overdue for my 2 week update but only by a couple days.  It has been CRAZY around here as we are in my husbands one bedroom apartment for 2-3 weeks and then we will move to one of the two bedrooms in the same complex.  So, we have been going through boxes and deciding what to unpack and what to wait on and where to put everything for a family of four in this little one bedroom, it has been a bit crazy to say the least!

Now for the important stuff: the weight loss and band!  The weight loss is not going to well.  I did weigh in on Thursday and I had gained all 10 lbs back, to the last ounce.  I was so bummed but honestly I have been eating mashed potatoes and shakes and ice cream a lot.  Being that we were on the road for five days I was limited to what I could and couldn't have.  There were days in which I was seriously hungry because there wasn't anything around I could eat.  I have been trying a few things in the last few days that aren't pureed but I have been focusing on chewing and chewing and chewing before I swallow anything.  Since being home I haven't had any ice cream and have tried to limit my carbs as well, though it hasn't been easy since carbs seem to be the easiest to eat right now.  To top everything else off I haven't been able to find my blender.  We planned on buying the Ninja blender but wanted to wait a little while, unfortunately I was forced to buy it this weekend after we determined that it may have been packed in the storage unit.  It will be here on Wednesday!! 

As far as the band is concerned I look pretty well healed on the outside, the incisions are doing better and better all the time but the pain on my inside is still pretty bad.  There are days that I am fine and other days when I hurt to do anything other then to sit. The doctor said that the pain is normal and will continue off and on for another week or so.  I hate this part of it but I am hopeful that it will improve over time.

UPDATE: OMG!!!  So, I obviously remembered wrong.  I thought that I had gained all my weight back but after updating the numbers (on the right hand side of the blog) I realized that I actually lost 2.2lbs!!  I guess I was doing okay after all, though I'm not going back to the shakes and ice cream anytime soon lol!

Moving 1 Week After Surgery

Moving after surgery has NOT been easy.  I thought the packing and loading would be bad, but with all the help we had it actually wasn't that bad.  The plan was to move two weeks after surgery but when #1 fractured his foot we had to move up our moving plans.  I was having very little to no pain by the time we left on Thursday, exactly one week to the hour after surgery.  Today, however, I am having horrible side pain and it is to the point that I can't bend twist or walk without being in pain.

As far as food is concerned I am able to eat more and more all the time.  I tried mashed potatoes and clam chowder yesterday and the both went down well.  Granted I added a little bit of milk to the potatoes because they were a bit thick and I chewed the soup a lot.  Then for breakfast I had grits.  Most of my food, however, is still protein shakes and baby food simply because it is easy to travel with.

Because of the hurricane coming in we have held up in a hotel for the next 24 hours so I am going to be taking the time to sit and lay and not move much.  Hoping my pain subsides soon!

Pictures of surgery

These are pictures from my surgery.  They are both pre-op, one is when I got there and the other is right before they took me back.  I don't have any from after I got out of surgery because my husband is horrible about remembering to take pictures and I was to out of it to remember.

Surgery

Well, I did it!!  I had my surgery on 8/18/11!  It was interesting, painful and a long day.  I had a hiatal hernia that had to be repair and this has caused some extra pain, atleast that is what the doctors and nurses keep saying.  I am not good when it comes to narcartics either, I get a little loopy and tend to freak out a little, it's my issue with the out of control feeling; I like to feel in control and I don't with those meds.  So, when I came to I did a little freaking out.  It didn't help that I had completely forgot where I was or that I had been in surgery.  I didn't remember being taken back to the surgery room or anything so when I came to and I was in so much pain and completely confused it was a bit of a shocker.  I immediately started asking for DH, though I was still freaking out when he came back in the room lol.  It took awhile for me to calm down.  I was released to go home 4 hours after surgery started which was a good thing because as nice and calming the place was, I wasn't able to relax and rest at all until I was home in my own bed. 

I was able to sleep a couple hours after I got home but then I was up for the whole night and all day friday because I am unable to sleep with Hydrocodon in my system.  So, Friday afternoon I had to switch to tylenol which has been VERY difficult since it doesn't help a lot with the pain. 

In addition to recovering we are moving.  DH's job has moved him out to Maine and after a lot of back and forth and debating the benefits and downfalls we have decided to join him.  So, this week we are packing and moving and I am unable to help near as much as I would like.  I am confident that we will make it but It would be nice if I could do more. 

Lastly, we orginally decided to move 2 weeks from now but the reason we moved it up was because we found out the day before my surgery that #1 probably fractured his foot when he slipped on a stool.  We  had to have a boot put on him on Friday and thus the move up in the move.  There was no way I could care for #2 and #1 the way he would need so my husband had to stay home. 

To say the least, we have had a crazy few days.  And it looks like another crazy week or two!

(pictures to come)

Pre-Op Diet Update

So, I will admit, I haven't been following the diet to the T for the whole 2 weeks.  It has been extremely difficult especially in the beginning.  I have the last couple days though and it is getting easier and easier everyday, especially since I found out there were a couple things that I didn't know I could eat in the beginning that I found out about after reading some other blogs. 

I keep counting down the days until I am done with this diet and on to surgery (2 days of protein diet + 1day of clear liquids +1/2 day of nothing!!).  I am dreading the day before and the day of surgery though.  The day before I am only allowed clear liquids ALL day; no protein shakes no applesauce.  Then the day of surgery I have to stopping eating/drinking at midnight.  normally that wouldn't be an issue for me but my surgery isn't scheduled until 1:30 in the afternoon, and I will have had nothing of any substance in a day and a half! I keep telling myself though that this feeling will be temporary and that I will be having a hard time getting anything down pretty soon. 

The good news about my diet is that I am already down about 8lbs in a week and a half.  I knew I would lose some weight but my gosh!  I am predicting 10lbs gone BEFORE surgery! 

I have had some concerns since seeing the nurse for my pre-op.  I was originally told that I would need someone around for the kids for the first 48 hours after the surgery but then I should be okay with the boys, I just couldn't lift them over my head (this is what the doctor told me).  Well at the pre-op the nurse said I can't lift more then 20lbs AT ALL for the first two weeks.  This isn't normally an issue but there are the occasional times when #1 likes to not listen and I am forced to pick him up, and he weighs 35lbs.  Not to mention he is still in a crib, though I am hoping we can get him switched over to a bed right after surgery before DH leaves.  I just want to make sure that everything heals right so that I can have the best shot at this without complications.

Lastly, the cravings!  I have been having some fierce cravings the last couple of days.  I have never been one that was good at denying my cravings, I know this is going to be my biggest challenge of them all (even after surgery).  I think the reason they have been so strong is because everything I have been consuming, outside of jello and applesauce, has been in liquid form and something crunchy just sounds good! 

As usually I am also having my sweet attacks too.  My favorite thing in the world to splurge on is a nice warm chocolate chip cookie with some milk!  My mouth is watering just thinking about it!  I don't think I could ever eat them on a daily basis by any means but once a week--HECK YEA!!   

I am trying really hard to remember my goals! The big picture!  And all the $$ I spent as well lol!!  To help me remember those I purchased a shirt in a smaller size and it is my GOAL shirt!  Once I lose this weight I am so going to wear it everywhere lol!!  It happens to be the same size I wore in highschool--before my stint in the army!

What Will People Think

I went back and forth over whether or not to say anything to people about having the lap band.  I think it's because I feel that there is a stigma attached to people that have the lap band and because I in some ways feel like people will think I'm "taking the easy way out."  I am not the type of person that cares what people think most of the time but for some reason I cared about this.  I think some of it stems from having several friends that have had kids and ended up over weight either before, during and/or after their pregnancy and were able to lose their weight almost seemlessly.  Granted most of them had 10-30lbs not 100. And I couldn't tell you haw many times I would hear "when you have more to lose it is so much easier to lose the weight then when you only have 5lbs, those last 5 are the toughest."  Though the last 5 are tough to lose when all you are looking at is the scale I would say from experience it is all hard and there is nothing easy about it. 

So, after really thinking about it and talking to my husband and father I decided that I wouldn't hid this.  It is a journey that I am taking and it is something that I wouldn't feel right hiding.  Now, is that to say it will be the topic of every conversation that I have, probably not.  I just hope I don't get labeled as Sami-the mom that has a lap band. 

Now you're probably thinking, "if she doesn't want as the topic of conversation, or to labeled like this why start a blog?" and my answer to you would be, if I am going to be open about it I want to be as open as I can so that it doesn't have to be the topic, people who read this already know what is going on.  Also, because I figure there probably aren't a lot of mom's of babies out there that have had the lap band and I might just inspired someone, or connect with others like myself.

The Decision and Process to Get There

Three years ago I went to a seminar to checkout the lap band procedure and see if it was was something that I wanted to do and something that we could even afford.  after sitting through the lecture and hearing all the questions and answers I decided that I wanted to pursue it.  I had finally come to a point in my life where I was tired of the dieting and exercising with no to little results and the constant feeling of hunger when I was dieting and the shame I had when I would finally give in and eat something I wanted. 

I did a lot of searching inside myself to find out why I was over weight, what was my trigger and how I could overcome it.  I came to the conclusion that I was addicted to the feeling of being full, it didn't matter if I was eating french fries and shakes or salad and carrots, I wanted that full feeling.  I don't mean the "oh I'm satisfied I could stop here and be good" feeling; I mean the "oh I need to unbuckle my pants because I think I may explode" feeling.  Granted I had my loves, chocolate, key lime pie and just about any cheesecake (okay so I'm a little bit of a sugar junky)!  My dad (who has had the lap band of three years now) told me in a recent conversation that my relationship with food will change FOREVER.  I really thought about that statement and I came to the conclusion that my relationship with food obviously isn't working for me now so it needs to change, whether I like it or not. 

So, After all this I spoke with my husband, and though he was reluctant, he supported my decision.  Now to get the insurance to help----WRONG!  They had a part in our insurance that refused ANY payment for ANY weight loss treatment, even a nutritionist.  I was shocked being that my husbands company was so pro-healthy living.  So the idea was scratched for the time being and I went back to trying to lose my weight.

Then during my last pregnancy my husband and I were looking over our upcoming finances for the year and I told him that I thought that we had the money to have the surgery and I wanted to look into it after I had baby #2.  About a week after delivering my precious bundle of joy I started looking into, I took the steps needed and Had my first consultation with the doctor the end of July.  I then had x-rays done and was told when to start my pre-op diet (which is so wrong lol) to shrink the liver and I started that the end of last week, though it has been VERY VERY difficult.  I had my pre-op appointment today and I have surgery the end of next week!   

The Battle of the Bulge--Literally

This may be a bit long as it has been a long battle!

You know how kids can be cruel in school, well with me that was putting it lightly.  I was always teased and made fun of in school, it was bad enough that I actually went to live with a family member one year until my parents could find a job in another town just so I wouldn't get death threats and my freshman year I snuck my lunch into the the girls bathroom every day for half the year and ate in a stall because no one would let me sit at a table in the lunch room.  Enough about that though, the point of it was that one of the main things I was teased about was that I was F-A-T!  And when you hear something enough you begin to believe it.  Looking back now I was never fat in school, out of shape YES, fat no! So my battle started when I was in high school.  My junior year I joined the army and they told me I needed to lose about 5 lbs to make weight, so I went on a protein diet (which I found out later in life was the Adkins diet) lost the weight and went to basic training the summer in between my junior and senior year.  Funny thing is I went from a size 14 to a size 7, but I weighed exactly the same as when I went in.  The next summer I was suppose to go back and do my advanced training but when I went in to do the PT test I failed and was told I had to lose some weight.  My senior year had been very stressful and I was, at that point, on my own with no money and eating what I could afford; which was never the right kind of foods and the little bit of exercising I did didn't help.  I was kicked out of the army and thus started my adult journey to lose the weight.  10 years later and I am STILL trying to lose that weight, along with 80 more lbs!

I found out when I was 22 that I have PCOS which, to put it as bluntly and easily as possible, is a condition that makes it SUPER easy put weight on, and EXTREMELY difficult to get it off.  There hasn't been a year that has gone by that I haven't tried to diet and exercise.  In fact I have had times where I was doing everything right for weeks and even months at a time and not losing a pound. I have tried the adkins, south beach, weight watchers (3 times), HCG and calorie restriction (atleast 3 times).  I would lose weight on them but it was infrequent and usually painful.  So, three years ago I looked into the lap band and I have wanted to do it ever since.